Breaking the News
by SuperGroverAway
Summary: Dipper has finally proposed to the redheaded woman of his dreams, and she said yes. The hard part's over now, right? Well, not quite. There's still the matter of her father...(Future-Pines, WenDip).


_Hey folks! Over the last few weeks I've been getting a couple requests or questions from readers about things or characters that they'd like to see in these future-fics, some of which have gotten my creative gears going. So I just want to throw something out now and make it clear - if you have any suggestions or requests, feel more than free to toss them my way whenever you'd like via review or PM and I'll be happy to see what I can do with them! _

_In the meantime, enjoy the latest story!_ \- **SGA**

* * *

"...No, no, no, no!"

The young woman tore out of her modest trailer home like the place was going up in flames all around her. She had woken up that morning to find both her boyfriend and his car gone. Considering what had happened just the night before, it was pretty obvious where he had snuck off to. As she jogged over to her truck, she tried calling him again.

"Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Dipper, pick UP…."

No answer. Wendy threw her phone into the passenger's seat, flipped on the ignition and in no time she was barrelling several miles above the speed limit down an evergreen-lined road. Her fingers anxiously drummed the steering wheel. She thought they were going to do this together. She had told him that he didn't have to prove anything to anyone. The young woman could only begin to imagine what he was going through at that moment.

"You doofus..." She murmured under her breath. "What do you think you're doing?"

* * *

Dipper hated to admit it, but he had no idea what in the world he was doing.

He thought that he had everything control. Up until about ten minutes ago, the young man was under the firm belief that he had everything planned to a T. However, once he arrived at the home of one "Manly Dan" Corduroy to dutifully break the big news, most of his confidence promptly fled him. All that remained was a tragically anxious shell of a human being who now sat sweating up a storm on one side of an impressive hand-carved kitchen table.

"...So anyway...y-you know that...that your daughter and I have been seeing one another f-for a while now...but like...you know, not as friends...but you already know that, right? She had to tell you at some point. You probably know that." Dipper was excruciatingly aware about how awkward he sounded, but he couldn't stop. He was a broken tap of gibberish that couldn't be turned off.

One would have thought that a decade and a half would have taken at least a mild edge off things between him and Wendy's father. For starters, the height difference between him and the massive lumberjack had decreased significantly over the years. The man had also begun to show his age; his bristly red beard now showed faint traces of grey here and there.

On the other hand, he was also still the size of a bear and packed more muscle than a butcher's shop. It was going to take at a lot more aging until Manly Dan stopped being the most physically imposing human being this side of the Rocky Mountains. Dipper forced out a chuckle and wiped a sweating brow. He hoped fervently that those hulking arms wouldn't be put to angry use in the next few minutes.

"Anyway...well, Wendy and I...maybe I should have been a little more traditional and like...you know, asked you for her hand first before I went ahead...I'm n-not one for being good at protocol, I gotta admit, and..." His mouth was rapidly going dry. As his courage started failing him, he attempted to change the subject. "Say, d-did you make these chairs yourself? They look handmade... I gotta say, real n-nice craftsmanship here..."

He jabbered on and on, seemingly unable to break his news no matter how hard he struggled. Wearing a stoic frown, Manly Dan suddenly rapped the table with a heavy knuckle. "Out with it. What're you gettin' at here?"

"IPROPOSEDLASTNIGHTANDSHESAIDYES!" Dipper involuntarily went rigid and let it pour out in one frantic breath.

Dead quiet covered the kitchen. The young man could feel his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he wouldn't have been surprised if he heard one of his own ribs crack.

"I mean...I-I proposed last night...Wendy said yes, so we're...w-we're getting married."

The next few moments passed at a painfully glacial pace. Manly Dan sat in a dead silence at first, boring into him with a piercing, unblinking stare. Every muscle in the young man's body instinctively tensed as tight as a snare drum just in case he needed to make a run for the door. Finally, the veritable giant raised an eyebrow and muttered gruffly. "...Is that so?"

"Y-yes." Dipper flinched at his hoarse reply and nearly shouted to overcompensate, "Yes! It's true!"

Manly Dan slowly got up on his feet. The younger man barely suppressed the urge to flinch. His fingers nervously tapped the table as the hulking lumberjack ambled over to a cabinet. There was some clinking, and returned with two small glasses and a jar of an unfamiliar white liquid.

"...What's that?" Dipper examined the mason jar's mysterious contents.

"Just a Corduroy family recipe." The moment the lid was unscrewed, a gasoline-like odor hit the young man's nostrils with the force of a steamroller. The mere scent of the home-brewed alcohol was enough to make him feel a little whoozy. While he recovered from his initial shock, he glanced up to Manly Dan and desperately tried to read his body language. Unfortunately, as far as he could tell, the lumberjack's face had been locked in the same exact scowl since he first arrived. Manly Dan nodded brusquely. "You better prepare yourself boy."

DIpper hastily pieced together all the clues. He was of course no fan of the picture that he put together. He took a hard swallow, but then straightened himself upright. This was definitely going to be anything but pleasant. However, if this was what it was going to take to be with the woman that he loved, then so be it.

"Okay...okay, I get it." He declared with a knowing nod, trying his very best to sound believably tough. The moment the hefty man had poured him some of the homemade brew, Dipper snatched it up, steeled himself and knocked it back.

It felt like he had just wrapped his lips around the mouth of a flamethrower and pulled the trigger. The concoction burned with a ferocious intensity all the way down, and it hit his gut with the force of a miniature atomic bomb. The young man arched his back and let out a heaving gasp of pain.

"What the..." His possible father-in-law looked genuinely surprised. In spite of his agony, Dipper managed a shadow of a triumphant smile. So far, so good. For the moment at least he had seized the upper hand.

"Didn't think I had it in me, did you?" He managed a scoff. "If you wanna throw down, then let's do this! Let's DO this, old man!"

"But-" Manly Dan barely got in a sound before Dipper aggressively poured himself another shot of liquid agony and hurled it down his aching throat. This one was no smoother than the first, and his brown eyes now prickled wetly with tears as he went for round three.

"All right, I think-" The large man tried to reach for the jar, which Dipper yanked out of reach.

"If you think a drinking contest is all it's going to take to make me back down, then..." Dipper grabbed the table and steadied himself. It was amazingly potent stuff. His sense of balance was vanishing fas, and he could feel himself growing less lucid by the minute. "...Then you got another thing coming! You have no idea about the things I've dealt with! No idea about the things I've seen, or done…"

Once more, it felt as if he had just lit his entire digestive tract on fire. He wiped numb lips and stressed determinedly, "Not. A single. Idea."

His head was already swimming. In spite of the punishment his system was undergoing, he poured and downed another mouthful of liquid torment, followed by another. It was utter torture. However, all he had to do was picture Wendy, and he was able to get through each hellish shot. It didn't matter if he ended up liquefying his guts. If this was what he had to do for her, then so be it.

"So...what do you think?" Wobbling unsteadily on his quaking legs, he started to taunt the stunned lumberjack. "Didn't expect this, did you? Manly Dan, being outdone by a skinny kid! You underestimate Dipper Pines, and you're in for...for a world of surprise, you son of-"

There was a loud screech of breaks outside. Moments later the front door exploded open, and with a thud of heavy boots a panicked young woman hurtled into the kitchen.

"Dipper? Dipper!" Wendy skidded to a halt and gawked in surprise. Dipper wasn't the nervous wreck she expected to find, but it was hard to tell whether this was any better. He flashed her a foolish mess of a smile.

"H-hey, Wendy. Lookit me." He slurred jubilantly. "I'm doin' it...I'm...I-I'm...uh..."

Dipper would have slumped face first on the floor had she not caught him just in time. She shot her father a demanding glare. "Dad, what's going on here?"

The veritable giant of a man looked just as genuinely bewildered as she did. "Hun, I-"

"Dad, what the HELL is going on here?" The family resemblance definitely showed as she let out a snarling bark that would have cowed a rabid wolf. The massive fellow wordlessly pointed to the half-empty mason jar sitting on the table. In a flash her fury was dampened. Another moment later she appeared to be tangled in a combination of both relief and embarrassment

"Oh...oh! So you...you were just...uh-oh..." She looked to the utter mess of a man in her arms, and her pale cheeks flushed.

"See? See, I'm winnin'." Dipper gazed up through glazed eyes and

slurred jubilantly. "It's all for you. I'm-"

"Winning what? Dipper, you just like drank half the celebration whisky."

"I...wait...wait...what?" He croaked. The revelation did a stunning job of getting him to sober up. As he struggled to stand on his own two feet, he let out a low whine of dismay. "So...wait...wait hold on...he didn't challenge me to a drinking contest?"

"What? Dude, you didn't really think that..." She was so incredulous that she was quickly overtaken by barking laughter. "Are you serious?"

"Kind of…." In the span of a heartbeat her new fiance went from feeling on top of the universe to the world's largest nitwit. After his reluctant admission, he changed his mind and went for a full-on sheepish confession. "Yes. Very much so."

He wobbled uncontrollably as he turned to face Wendy's father. "So, I'm sorry for the….uh….the misunderstanding...I-I thought that you were...challenging me for….the right to….y'know….um…."

"Now what the hell would I do that?" Manly Dan demanded bluntly.

"I-"

"You just told me you're getting married! Can't you see how happy I am?"

"Um...sorta?" Dipper could only barely make out the faint curl at the ends of the giant's mouth. Suddenly it felt like he had just been jammed into a trash compactor. All the air was immediately crushed from his lungs as both he and his new fiance were swept up by a burly arm each. He struggled for breath. Wendy however only continued to laugh, being no stranger at all to these displays of painfully strong affection.

"My little girl...finally gettin' hitched." He exclaimed gruffly. For the first time in his life, Dipper saw bona-fide tears well up in the legendary lumberjack's eyes. Wendy managed to jerk an arm free and wrap it around her father's meaty trunk of a neck.

"Surprise!" She cheered. "Sorry you found out like this."

"You kidding?" After setting the two of them down, he gave Dipper a hard smack on the back that launched him smack into the fridge. "Anyone who can drink Corduroy Lighting like that is more than good enough fer me! You did good, boy!"

"Thanks for your blessing." Dipper squeaked hoarsely as he peeled himself free. Manly Dan wiped his eyes with a massive finger, then let out a gruff clamor that the young man guessed was supposed to be his version of a happy laugh.

"Wait here, I'm gonna get yer brothers on the phone!" He announced between what frankly sounded more like growls than chuckles. He ambled off, leaving the two alone.

Wendy heaved a deep breath of relief as she dropped into one of the chairs. "Well...that went a lot better than I thought it would."

"Speak for yourself." Dipper dropped down hard next to her. His fiancee frowned apologetically.

"Yeah...sorry, it is kind of hard to tell with him sometimes." She watched him plant his face on the table with a piteous moan. "Dude, you okay?"

"I'll let you know when the room stops spinning. And when my spine stops hurting." The embarrassed young man deadpanned. "You know, we're only one day in. You can still call it quits if you want."

"Oh, stop." She laughed and kissed the top of his head "I'm not going anywhere."

"Good to know." He buried his face back into the table. Wendy grinned as she stroked his messy brown locks.

"Hey, I'm pretty flattered you drank several glasses of the family poison for more." She joked, then sniffed the homemade liquor. Her nose crinkled and she hurriedly capped the jar up. She hadn't had a taste of that devil's brew since the night of her high school graduation, and it still brought back mildly traumatic memories. "Uuggh. Still smells like liquid death."

"And it tastes even worse." He grunted.

"Just be glad you didn't have to do a real Corduroy Challenge." Wendy remarked as she stowed the homebrew away. Dipper looked up and shot her a quizzical look.

"...That's a real thing?" Stifling a smile, Wendy plodded to a cabinet, took out a wicked-looking throwing hatchet and plonked it in front of him. His eyes widened.

"Oh, ma-"

"Hold on. You throw _that_ at a target…." She sorted through another cupboard. "Only after drinking some of _this_."

Dipper could only assume that the jar of thick, tar-black liquor that she produced was actually drinkable, even though it looked anything but. Especially with the pickled rattlesnake skull that floated about inside of it The horrified young man stared, then looked anxiously to her. "I'm never doing or saying anything in front of that man ever again. Ever."

Wendy hugged him tight with a loving cackle. "Welcome to the family…."


End file.
